this is a story of epic proportions. the pope is not who you think he his.
anyway. i was in vatican city as usual, i usually shoot pornos in the vatican with sexy nuns. i dont normally publish because i like to... never mind. i was eating a delicious pizza when suddenly i heard a voice in my head. it sounded like pope francis. it said " go to the vatican basement and meet me there". i dismissed this as just another voice in my head, i often get random voices in my head. but something was compelling me to go to the vatican. i entered there basement and saw a bunch of men in black robes huddled together. at first i was worried that it was an occult sacrifice. but when i got closer i realized that they were just having a circle jerk. one of the guys was the pope. "hi" i said. "hi" said the pope. then we wasted one minute looking at each other longingly, obviously wanted suck off each other. the pope got up grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to this back room. then he said "are you familiar with satan". "of course i am!" i said. "well, i am his puppet! then his eyes turned black and blood poored out of his mouth and a strange white translucent fluid poored out of his ears. "TIME TO SODOMIZE YOU" he said, as he tried to grab me. i ran out of that basement and into the streets. i hoped that my lord and savior jeff goldbloom would save me. then all of a sudden, a copy of the lost world fell into my hands. another voice said "throw it at the pope". i threw it at francis. as soon as i did pope francis froze into a puddle that vaguely looked like doge.